I wish I had that

I wish I had that social media relationship. You know the one I'm talking about.. The flowers, smiles, sweet quotes, the love. I wish I had that. 

I wish I didn't feel like I came in second, third or fourth place. I wish I didn't feel like I wasn't good enough. I wish I didn't need the constant reassurance that never really comes. I wish I had that. 

I wish I could pretend to have that. I wish I could act like all of the things I hear and see didn't have an effect on me. I wish I could live in a world of fantasy where reality doesn't matter, it's just what you want it to be. I wish I had that. 

I just wish to be someone else for a day. I wish to feel what they feel, the warmth, the love, the contentment. I wish I could see the world from someone who feels loved's eyes. I wish I had that. 

I can't have that. I can't have that because I hold myself back. I can't have that because of the choices I've made. I can't have that because I let myself feel undeserving. But, I wish I had that.